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Friday, February 27, 2015

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Big Jon's ROH 13th Anniversary Show Predictions

I have to thank Nathan (@headliner5) for getting me into watching Ring of Honor wrestling. His great reviews peaked my interest in the product and over the last month I have watched several of their shows on ROHWrestling.com and have enjoyed every episode. Before I started watching, I knew of all the great wrestlers who have worked for ROH and became household names in WWE I just never took the time to consistently watch the product.  I am intrigued by several talents especially TV Champion Jay Lethal and Heavyweight Champion Jay Briscoe. With the upcoming 13 Anniversary pay per view on May 1, 2015 lets predict some matches. 
Jay Lethal vs Alberto El Patron:
It’s good to see Jay Lethal in prominent role in a wrestling company. I have been a fan of his since his TNA days. He has always shown great charisma and a supreme amount of Talent.  Alberto El Patron debut in ROH came with tons of anticipation, on his first night he came out and Challenge Jay Briscoe only to be interrupted by Jay Lethal and Truth Martini.  This match will be a match of the year candidate I can just feel it. El Patron had his ups and downs in the WWE but he was always talented in between the ropes.  While Alberto may have come into ROH to the delight of most fans Jay Lethal is the Man around ROH if you believe him and his manager Truth Martini.
Winner: Jay Lethal
Mark Briscoe vs Moose:
Mark Briscoe is–– a mix between a redneck and a cavemen, in his promos he screams and yells to the top of his lungs which can make his promos hard to understand. Nevertheless his training on the chicken farm has served him well in his career.  Moose is a very impressive rookie, reminiscent to Bobby Lashley in both physic and in ring style. His deadly spear has help him stay undefeated to this point in his career. Moose has something going for him with the crowd chanting “Moose” as a war cry in his entrance and throughout his matches.  Moose also has his lawyer Veda Scott and Stockely Hathaway with him at ringside.  In a brawl after his match with Michael Elgin on Valentine’s Day Mark felt just how much force and pain that spear can cause. Mark Briscoe might be the in the wrong place at the wrong time as I expect Moose to continue his win streak.
Winner: Moose
Triple Threat Tag Team Match
The Addiction (Chris Daniels & Frankie Kazarian) vs The Kingdom (Michael Bennett & Matt Taven) vs The Bullet Club (Doc Gallows & "Machine Gun" Karl Anderson):
The Kingdom has impressed me with their heel work and in ring work. The Addiction will always be a great tag team and put on a great match whenever and wherever they work. The Bullet Club is the hottest stable in wrestling compromise of some of the best and most exciting wrestlers in the world. I haven’t seen much of Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson recent work but on reputation alone they are one team you want to see fight. Due to the quality of the teams this one is a tossup and potential show stealer.
Winner: The Addiction
ODB w/ Mark Briscoe vs Maria Kanellis w/ Michael Bennett:
The Kingdom and the Briscoes have spent most of February fighting each over the title of love the Maria is carrying around which use to belong to Jay Briscoe. ODB coming to the aid of the Briscoes and evening up the odds was a great way to introduce her into ROH. Maria has her work cut out for her in combatting the physical style of ODB.
Winner: ODB
"The Phenomenal" AJ Styles vs ACH  AJ has been great ever since he left that little promotion in Florida. Prominently wrestling in New Japan Pro Wrestler and Indy promotions in the U.S. He is in the Bullet Club and seems to be enjoying wrestling now more than ever.  His opponent ACH is supremely athletic and smooth in the ring and has improved greatly in career. ACH has all the talent in the world and should match up great with The Phenomenal one. ACH has youth on his side but the experience of AJ Styles will win this one.
Winner: AJ
ROH World Tag Team Championship
ReDRagon (c) vs The Young Bucks:
Both Teams are excellent in the ring and have great chemistry against each other.  Bobby Fish and Kevin O’Reily have had a great run defending their titles all across the world and many times beating the Bucks to keep the titles. Young Bucks are brash, conceited and talented. While I’m on the fence of all the super kicks they do in a match, it’s a tactic that works for these two smaller guys.  This time around the Young Bucks will throw a successful Super Kick party and win the belts.
Winner: Young Bucks
"Mr. ROH" Roderick Strong vs The Decade's BJ Whitmer:
Roderick Strong has done it all in ROH since he debuted back in 2004. In his 11-year ROH career, he has won every championship the company has to offer. Roddy is one of the most consistent wrestler that this stacked locker room has. BJ Whitmer forced Roddy out of The Decade in late 2014 the two have been at odds. BJ Whitmer looks the best that he has in his career as well. This match is a true personal grudge match, both men have no short of malice for their opponent. It will be interesting to see if the consistency of Roderick Strong prevail over the brute force of Bj Whitmer.
Winner: Roderick Strong
Main Event - High Stakes 4 Corner Survival ROH World Championship Match
Jay Briscoe (c) vs "Unbreakable" Michael Elgin vs "Sicilian Psychopath" Tommaso Ciampa vs "War Beard" Hanson:
Has Jay Briscoe’s mouth wrote a check that he can’t cover? That’s the question many fans have are wondering. Even though each man creates a difficult challenge in a one on one match Briscoe has been able to defeat them. Michael Elgin is a former World Champion and lost the belt to Jay. After the lost he went to a dark mental state and has finally come back in the title picture.  Elgin would have fans believe his change in mentality was on purpose but losing your title has a really strange effect on you.  Hanson looks like a something out of the book Where the Wild Things Are. He is big, strong and hairy with a viscous mean streak in him. He has proven that he can dominate anyone in the ring.  Tommaso Ciampa is a superb athlete and a dominant wrestler in the ring.  Elgin, Hanson, and Ciampa are all extremely strong and physical but can they get defy the odds and pin Jay Briscoe. Jay Briscoe has had lady luck on his side for a while now, it’s been a long time since he has had his shoulders pinned for a 3 count.  This night in Vegas Jay Briscoe avoids rolling snake eyes and walks out still your ROH World Champion.

Winner: Jay Briscoe

Monday, February 23, 2015

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You Have Options: Looking Beyond WWE

By True (@TrueGodImmortal)

And these aren't the only ones.
Good day, folks. As you know, we are currently on the Road To WrestleMania. Usually this time of year, I'm all in for WrestleMania, excited about the card, the build, etc. However, as I explained in an earlier article titled "Losing The Mania of WrestleMania", I don't feel that way this year--and haven't for quite some time. Fast Lane, an unnecessary PPV that replaced the fun and enjoyable Elimination Chamber, just took place and to say I'm a tad apathetic about the WrestleMania direction is an understatement. WWE, has benefited from not having a strong national competitor on the mainstream for wrestling (or "sports-entertainment"). However, just because WWE has no competition on the "mainstream" level, that doesn't mean that you have no other options. Without dwelling on the WWE and their mediocre product too long, let us take a look at some of your other options.

Ring of Honor:
ROH is getting ready to celebrate their 13th anniversary. In my opinion, despite a lackluster TV deal, they are the number two professional wrestling company in the United States. ROH relies heavily on strong style wrestling, with an emphasis on technical prowess and high flying. With former WWE stars like Alberto El Patron (f/k/a Del Rio) in the fold, big name guys like AJ Styles and Michael Elgin, and rising stars such as ACH and Cedric Alexander, ROH provides you with all the in ring entertainment minus the fluff and bullshit. If you're looking for other options, this is the first place I'd suggest starting. (Ed. Note: Also, be sure to check out Nathan's ROH Reviews)

TNA (Impact Wrestling):
I am not a fan of TNA personally, never have been. While they do have a decent TV deal now and had a great one previously, they remind me a bit of WWE, with an out of touch, delusional person running the show(though Vince might not be nearly as lost as Dixie Carter). Be that as it may, TNA does have some great talent on that roster, with former WWE stars Kurt Angle, MVP and Bobby Lashley in the fold, amazing performers like Austin Aries and Bobby Roode, along with the always fun X-Division. While TNA is no longer seen as the clear number 2 company in North America, it still holds strong and has a loyal fan base. Unfortunately, they did just lose one of their veterans, Samoa Joe, as he decided to go elsewhere. They've lost quite a few big names over the last 2 years, but regardless, TNA still has the roster equipped for putting on a good show.

New Japan Pro Wrestling (NJPW):
For some, NJPW is the best thing going in wrestling today. With the Bullet Club being as over as it is and breathtaking matches at every event, NJPW is staking its claim with the wrestling fans in the US and all around the world, as well as in Japan. NJPW has been around for many years, even having supershows in the past with WCW back in the '90s. Today, names like Nakamura, Tanahashi, Shibata, Nagata, and more bring the pain inside that NJPW ring. You may see legends such as Jushin Liger, The Great Muta, and more in that ring or some of the best indie performers from the US there such as AJ Styles, Doc Gallows, and The Young Bucks, to name a few. NJPW has a solid system, smart booking, and knows how to please their fans. If you're not watching WWE, I'd suggest as NJPW as your next option right after ROH.

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (PWG):
PWG has been around for years. So many names have come through that place, that its legacy is forever legendary. From El Generico (Sami Zayn), to Kevin Steen (Kevin Owens), Bryan Danielson (Daniel Bryan), CM Punk, Samoa Joe,and others, damn near anyone who has a name in this era of the business, has been through PWG. They run amazing events, usually monthly or bimonthly, and the physical high impact style that they infuse is beyond entertaining. Their DVD sales are usually through the roof, and they continue to give the people what they want to see (what a concept, Vince). Check out their website or Highspots and experience the magic yourself.

Lucha Underground:
I recently got into Lucha Underground after catching a little bit of their TV show on the El Ray Network. This show is paced much differently than the WWE, TNA, or really any wrestling show for that matter. They've given great wrestlers some new fun gimmicks to work under, also brought in Alberto El Patron, and put on great matches every event. Lucha Underground and their style might appeal more to the hardcore fan instead of the casual fan, but considering the casual fan's enjoyment of high flying, risk taking action on WWE, I doubt they'd have a big issue adjusting here. Be on the lookout for Lucha Underground, as they strive to bring us the best. 

SHIMMER/Shine: 
SHIMMER and Shine are both female promotions that highlight the best and rising women wrestlers in the business. Mia Yim, Su Yung, Ivelisse, Leva Bates ("Blue Pants" in NXT), and countless others all take part in the events and put on some amazing shows. If you're a fan of women's wrestling and the Knockout division or Divas division doesn't do it for you, then this would be the place to start. The things these women do in the ring are unlike anything we've seen before.

Other Independent Promotions
There are far too many to write about, but I'll give you a rundown of some of my favorites:
  • PWX Wrestling: A company I used to do work for, based in the North Carolina area, with some of the best talent on the entire circuit. Check their website out for ticket info and their Video on Demand features.
  • AIW (Wrestling): Based in Ohio, this company goes above and beyond to put on immaculate shows for their audience and I believe they also have great DVD production values as well.
  • Maryland Championship Wrestling: Based out of Maryland(as evidenced by the name), MCW has a massive following as every month they draw from 800-1300 people, which for an indie promotion, is amazing numbers. Check them out.

There are a lot more indie promotions out here, such as:
  • Wrestleforce in SC
  • Smash Wrestling in Canada
  • CZW in Philly
  • 2CW in NY
  • Promotions in Texas (including Booker T's ROW) 
  • And countless others. 
The purpose of this article is to just let most fans that WWE isn't the only show in town. They're just the most promoted. Sometimes, in the entertainment world, the best product doesn't always come from the biggest attraction, or the most popular. It can come from the smaller business who puts more effort into the show and creation as opposed to coasting by on name and money. Support Indie Wrestling. Support all wrestling. You have options. Use them.

-The Immortal 
@TrueGodImmortal
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Nathan's ROH Review 2/21/2015

By Nathan Neumann, Twitter @Headliner5

Hello Ringers, another week down and another review from myself. We are now one week away from ROH’s 13th Anniversary show which will be live on PPV on Sunday March 1st.  I will be there live and will hopefully write a review of that PPV when I get back from my trip for EyesontheRing.com. This week’s show was what WWE fans commonly know as the “go-home show.” Quite frankly, the one hour go-home show that we got on Saturday night was a lot better than the three hours of TV that we got last week on RAW headed into Fast Lane.

Now you may be wondering, “but Nathan there’s another Saturday before March 1st isn’t there?” Well, yes...but ROH isn’t doing a normal show next week. They will be doing an in-studio show to hype the PPV which means that there will not be a review next week.  But enough of my rambling because eventually I have to get in to talking about the wrestling so let’s get down to business.
This week’s show kicks off with Alberto El Patron making his way to the ring for a match with ACH. We are joined this week on commentary by Truth Martini who is filling in for the absent Steve Corino.

Match 1
ACH vs. Alberto El Patron

Thoughts: The two lock up and both men go immediately to the corner, ACH corners El Patron and begins chopping him but Alberto turns it around putting ACH in the corner where he delivers some of his patented kicks.  From there ACH dumps El Patron out of the ring and follows him out, El Patron hits ACH with an enziguri on the outside that echoed throughout the arena.  Back in the ring and ACH hits El Patron with a high cross body off of the top rope to score a near fall.  El Patron recovers and gets ACH in the corner and sets him up for a reverse suplex, which is successful on ACH for a near fall.

ACH recovers and makes his way to the top turnbuckle.  From here ACH hits a double stomp to the back of El Patron’s neck for a near fall.  El Patron recovers and takes over on the advantage and kicks ACH in the face when ACH is on his knees on the mat to score a near fall.  El Patron rolls to the outside and ACH comes off of the ropes and takes out Alberto with a corkscrew vaulting body press.  The finish came when both men were back in the ring.  Alberto El Patron grabbed ACH’s arm and locked on the cross arm breaker, which forced the tap out from ACH and allowed Alberto El Patron to pick up the submission victory.

Result: Alberto El Patron defeats ACH via submission with a cross arm breaker.

Match Rating: **1/2

Great showing from both El Patron and ACH. We already know what ACH can do inside of an ROH ring but now we are growing accustomed and ROH fans who may be seeing Alberto El Patron for the first time (if you’ve been living under a rock) are getting a good introduction to him.  El Patron will do great things for ROH (where the wrestling is the most important thing) and I look forward to seeing how he progresses as a talent in this company.

We then go to a video package, which shows The Briscoe brothers training with ODB ahead of their respective matches at the ROH 13th Anniversary show next weekend.
Back in the arena and we are set for our next match of the evening.

Match 2
Michael Elgin vs. Mark Briscoe

Thoughts: The match starts off with some red neck kung fu from Mark he knocks Elgin to the outside of the ring and goes for an Elbow drop from the apron to the floor on the outside of the ring but Elgin rolls back into the ring in order to prevent Briscoe from hitting the move.  Back in the ring and Elgin takes over when he gets on the top rope and hits a flipping leg drop to Briscoe who was hung up in the middle rope to get a two count.  Elgin hits an exploder suplex and goes to the top rope for a moonsault but it misses.  Briscoe recovers and hits an exploder suplex of his own for a near fall.

Mark picks Elgin up and hits a roll through Death Valley Driver.  Elgin recovers and hits a springboard foot stomp from the outside of the ring to the inside of the ring.  Elgin follows it up with a splash on the ground for a near fall.  Mark makes it to the top rope and jumps off but just as he’s about to hit Elgin, Elgin catches Briscoe with a powerbomb.  Elgin hangs on and picks Briscoe up for another powerbomb and then picks him up yet again this time to hit Mark with his brothers own move the Jay Driller to score the pinfall victory.

Result: Michael Elgin defeats Mark Briscoe via pinfall with a Jay Driller.

Match Rating: **1/2

Elgin then takes the turnbuckle rod (that somehow came disconnected from the ring) and tries to fish hook Mark’s mouth with it. Jay Briscoe runs in for the save of his brother. Elgin grabs the world title and hits Jay with it and poses with said belt. Tommaso Ciampa runs into the ring and knocks down Elgin and poses with the belt, which brings out Hanson. Hanson, Elgin, and Briscoe all make it out to the floor. Ciampa flies from the top rope to the outside of the ring to take out both Briscoe and Hanson with a splash...but Elgin side steps the move as to avoid it.  This brings an end to that whole thing. A good way to get people interested in the main event and perhaps ordering the PPV which if I wasn’t going to be there live this would have definitely sold me on ordering the show.

Main Event - Match 3
Roderick Strong vs. Jay Lethal
Non-Title match

Thoughts: Before the match can get underway, Jimmy Jacobs makes his way out to the ring to get a closer look at the man that BJ Whitmer will be facing come Sunday.  The match starts off in the ring with Roderick catching Lethal off of the top rope for a backbreaker, which he gets a near fall from.

Strong rolls to the outside of the ring which allows Lethal some time to recover and hit Strong with three consecutive suicide dives on the outside of the ring.  Back in the ring and Strong hits Lethal with an Olympic slam for a near fall.  Lethal recovers and hits the Lethal Combination and turns it into a Koji clutch to try and get a submission but Roderick makes it to the bottom rope to force the break. BJ Whitmer runs into the ring while the referee has his back turned and delivers an Exploder suplex to Roderick Strong first in the ring and another one on the floor.  From here the match is thrown out but later restarted, the two men reset and Roderick forces Lethal into a corner of the ring and sets him up on the top rope for a superplex which is successful and that gets a two count from the referee.

Roderick Strong locks Lethal in the Stronghold (Boston crab). But, Lethal makes it to the bottom rope to force the referee to break it. Jay Lethal recovers and makes it to the top rope, from there he hits the hail to the king but Roderick Strong manages to kick out at two. Roderick then recovers and runs off of the ropes and delivers a sick kick for a near fall. Jay Lethal manages to regain the upper hand and eventually wins the match after defeating Roderick Strong with the Lethal Injection.

Result: Jay Lethal defeats Roderick Strong via pinfall with a Lethal Injection.

Match Rating: **3/4

From here we cut randomly to the backstage area to see both Roderick Strong and BJ Whitmer beating on each other in the back. Meanwhile, back in the ring, El Patron runs down and starts pounding on Jay Lethal. Jay Lethal exits the ring to the outside and makes it up the ramp with Truth Martini and his TV title as the show goes off of the air for the week.

Good show a perfect way to send the fans into a PPV, they got a lot done in this hour and it shows how much time and effort they put into the hour of TV that they are allotted each and every week. That however will do it for me and this review of Ring Of Honor Wrestling television, just an FYI there will not be a review from me next week because 1. I’ll be in Vegas and 2. They are having a hype show for the PPV itself.

So until next time Ringers be sure and keep your eyes on EyesOnTheRing.com for all of the great news views and results within the wrestling world.  I am going to try to do a ROH 13th anniversary review once I get back but it may not get posted until later in the week if I do it at all (because I may not have time).  Make sure to follow @EyesOnTheRing on twitter where you can also follow me @Headliner5. Also be sure to check EyesOnTheRing.com for all things wrestling from myself and the rest of the team.  Finally don’t forget to tune into our weekly radio show each and every Sunday night over at blogtalkradio.com/ElitePodcastNetwork at 11:00pm Eastern Time.  Last but not least make sure and go like us on facebook at Facebook.com/EyesOnTheRing.

See you later Ringers.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

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WIRTB Review: Superbrawl 2000

Good day, Ringers. It's I, the guy who told Maffew to include more video game music, the Mustafa of Hip-Hoppa, except I don't literally die halfway through, the one and only SOTB!!! Today, we've got a doozy of a shitshow lined up. Straight from the suggestion box, we've got Peagle's suggestion of Superbrawl 2000. Other suggestions included: "Die Speedy Die" and "CM Punk!" And since those are out of the question...on Febrary 20, 2000, we were told that there's "nothing they won't do to hold the gold" and that the main event is a "three-way dance for heavyweight gold." So, judging off that, we're either going to have:

a) a legit triple threat match
b) some sort of porno with lesbian pollen
c) a WCW-circa-2000-level PPV

The opening promo is hilarity. First, we get the "Death Match" between Ric Flair and Terry Funk. Since this isn't 2015, the death probably won't be literal. Next up in the promo reel, Hulk Hogan and Lex Luger try to make people give a damn about their feud and the promo for the Heavyweight Title, complete with Jeff Jarrett calling someone "slapnuts" and hitting Kevin Nash with a guitar.

As our show opens, f'reals, we get the pyro equivalent of Pinky bonking herself. It just...won't...stop. As an aside, to keep my enjoyment level up for this event, since I'm assuming it's going to be a clusterfuck of epic proportions, I'll probably be throwing in random adult entertainers' names in, just to make sure you're paying attention. For instance, Mean Gene and Ron Jeremy look like they could've been separated at birth. There are as many black guys in the audience as there are, apparently, in adult films: five to ten.

Oh good lord...I don't think I'm going to be able to hold my tongue on this one already. And we haven't even gotten to the first match. The stilted gifs accompanying the match card, added in with the LULZ-worthy "Never Gonna Stop" cover have the effect of drinking a bottle of bleach and chasing it with 151. Oh, wow...The Demon! Now I know that I'm in for a treat.

Thirteen minutes in and we're finally getting to the first match. The Artist (formerly known as Prince Iaukea), with Paisley, versus Lash LeRoux for the Cruiserweight Championship. These assholes are in here two-stepping and we're supposed to take this match seriously? Paisley's get-up reminds me of Lacey Duvalle, in that they tend to try too hard. The audience is dead for this match, aside from the one "WWF SUCKS" sign holder. After some "brawling," we get a spot the OSW guys would probably pop over, the "Aloha Arn." TAFKAPI avoids being pinned by a sunset flip by flailing his arms violently, even getting the ref to do the same. TAFKAPI then tries to give Lash what looks like a wet willie, which results in a near fall.

I'll be honest, I'm not paying attention at this point, but what I'm seeing is Botchamania-caliber stupidity. TAFKAPI keeps getting near-falls, and then whiffs on a punch from Lash. This match thankfully ends with Lash fucking around and almost killing himself on a Frankensteiner attempt, TAFKAPIkea hitting a jumping DDT on Lash, then running his finger down Lash's stomach in a manner suggesting that Paisley isn't his type...or any woman.

Next, Norman Smiley is getting wrapped up and gives the worst sell of an injury I've seen. It's almost as bad as those 1980s porns where everything is equivalent to the best--or worst--moment ever.

Smiley: "...ooh, it [his ribs] could be cracked."
::lifts arms up, with no problem or grimace::
Smiley: "oooh, oooh, it may be cracked."

Some more backstage foolishness, and we're back in-ring for our next match. Bam Bam Bigelow versus Nasty Brian Knobs in a "Hardcore" match. In WCW, "Hardcore" came down to beating the fuck out of each other with trash cans, cookie sheets, and--well, it was pretty much like WWF at this point. Bam Bam gets hit with a trash can after being distracted by Fit Finlay. Knobs gets tossed over the railing. They go outside the ring and into the concessions area. This shit is making me miss the "let's defend the belt at a kid's ball pit or the Mall of America" era of WWF Hardcore. As BBB and Knobs go back to ringside, BBB gets tossed into the steps.

"Good thing Bam has those tattoos to protect his head," Mark Madden retorts. Yes, because ink saves people from blunt force.

Knobs then sets up a table in the corner of the ring, ends up going through it himself, then gets some trash lids for his troubles. A "Greetings from Ashbury Park" and--nevermind, BBB doesn't pin Knobs. Knobs gets a low-blow to knock BBB out the ring and Knobs pins him outside the ring.

Yep. Fuck this company.

Magic Mike, the Wigger Edition--I mean, 3 Count, is out next for their match against Norman Smiley. They begin their in-ring promo by saying "I know our fanbase in San Francisco can appreciate our many talents." ...was that some sort of subtle "gay joke," WCW, or am I giving you too much credit? Smiley is out next in a Jerry Rice jersey. Fifteen years later, I'm sure someone like Norman would be considered a big face. Or at least Santino.

The match begins, pretty much, with an "Aloha Arn" and some sort of three-on-one pin on Smiley. Smiley gets destroyed by Shane Helms, until Helms damn near kills himself on a Twisting Corkscrew Splash. Smiley gets the swing going, and ends up knocking himself out. And then we get a dance contest in the middle of the ring. After this, Norman's Jerry Rice jersey gets ripped off and 3 Count just goes all Spirit Squad on Norman. Norman ends up tapping to Evan's Boston Crab.

So far, this match is like a Kink.com fuck machine session. Some may consider it "torture," but I consented to it. So I'm gonna keep at it, possibly because I'm enjoying the "torture" I'm putting myself through.

And then comes out comes The Demon. Fuck this shit. I'm writing this at 1:30 in the afternoon on a lunch break and I'm contemplating going down to my office's "bar" and just drinking myself stupid. His opponent for the night, Generic Wrestler Name #31992, "THEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAALL." I can't even watch WCW with a straight face because every time I hear David Penzer, I just think of the OSW Review parody of his announcing style and I lose my shit. Anyway, The Demon goes back to the Gorilla position and meets up with THEEEEEE WAAAAAAAAALL. Wall ends up beating Demon in four minutes or so with the chokeslam.

So, we're four matches in and we've pretty much gotten four glorified squashes.

Ernest Miller has a backstage promo with Mean Gene speaking on how James Brown's supposed to show up. Also, something about Beethoven stealing his stuff from Little Richard. For fuck's sake. This was a good idea to someone? Miller looks like he just stumbled off of the set of Racist White Girl Assholes, Mandingo Cocks 27 and Mean Gene can't even save this promo.

Now, apparently, there's been someone in a "private room" all show. Who wants to guess that person is James Brown?

Next up? Tank Abbott versus Big Al in a..."Leather Jacket on a Pole" match.

Yeah...let's forget that this happened, "beard-cutting scissors" and all.

Three years before this, WCW was the hottest promotion around. WTF happened? Overpaid celebrities, mismanagement, clusterfuckiness, Swoll, etc.

NEXT up, after about ten minutes of promos, is Booker (T) versus Big T, a/k/a Ahmed Johnson. Anyone ever want to see Ahmed Johnson and Booker T go at it? No? Me neither. Next.

Booker T deserves his WWE HOF, just off the strength of making Ahmed Johnson look halfway watchable.
...the match was still pretty shit, though.

More promos--shit, the promos are longer than the fucking matches!!!--and we get Billy Kidman and Vampiro. You know what? This is probably the first WIRTB Review that I'm ready to say FTS halfway through. I made it through Greed with less anguish. Vampiro and Kidman look like they're trying to legit kill each other. One of the announcers says "In two years, this match will be for the world title."

I just said fuck it all to hell at this point. But, then it gets worse.

David Flair, Daffney, and "Crowbar" go up against the Mamalukes for the tag team titles.


We hear her screams throughout the match, something akin to some sort of horror porn. Her wig comes off as she does a frankensteiner-like move. She then sprays hair spray (again, WCW?) in someone's eyes. Y'know what...fuck this shit. Fuck this company. Fuck this PPV. Even the commentators are shitting on this. And not in the WWE somewhat still halfway well-intention-having type of way.

Ernest Miller is out after this shitshow (David Flair and company won BTW), insulting the crowd and calling them "rednecks" (didn't True just write something about this sort of thing) and telling them that James Brown was still on his way. We get a fat imposter. Then, of course, the real James Brown comes out.


Just when you think things couldn't get worse, it was later revealed that WCW didn't gain a single penny from having James on the show because (derp) they forgot to actually promote it. What's even worse is this: the WWE Network dubbed over his music. What's even worse still is this: this fuckery took up more time than any of the gotdamn matches. I know it's James Brown, but...fuck this.

Scott Hall appears in a promo and give the DX Crotch Chop. I think that's how little ANYONE cared about this PPV. He doesn't even do the "Scott Hall/X-Pac version." Guys, I'm going to be honest...I can't fucking do this shit. I've seen shit, and I've seen horrible crap. But, no. Just...no.

The end matches:
Ric Flair wins the "death match."
Hulk Hogan wins against Luger, then proceeds to beat the dog piss out of him with a belt. Flair comes back out, and then OMFGITSSTING!
The main event (Sid vs. Hall vs. Double J) ends in a shitshow. Everyone and their mom comes out and starts to get in on the action.

Fuck this PPV straight to hell. Don't watch it. At all. Ever. I'd recommend Greed and December to Dismember followed by Heroes of Wrestling before this.

I'm Speed on the Beat, signing off on another edition of WIRTB Review saying I review this crap, so you don't have to.
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Losing the "Mania" in WrestleMania: An Open Letter

By True (@TrueGodImmortal)

Can this year, Reigns and all, help put some "Mania" back into WrestleMania?
True God delves into the decline of the Greatest Spectacle in Sports Entertainment (and Pro Wrestling)

First things first, I've been a wrestling fan for about 23 years now. Since I was 4, I've been immersed in this business. Started as a fan, grew to work in the radio aspect of it, set up rings with the crew, met some of my childhood favorites, even done color commentary at for an indie promotion. I have always loved professional wrestling. The first PPV that I truly watched was WrestleMania 8. I watched Randy Savage vs Ric Flair glued to my TV as the VCR played the sweet Coliseum video release. I marked out for The Ultimate Warrior's return. I remember watching Tito Santana go against Shawn Michaels. I just remember it all vividly. From that point, every year, I used to get excited around WrestleMania time. It was always something that you'd expect to deliver, even if the end product didn't satisfy, the ride along was fun. 1995, as a kid, I saw Shawn Michaels win the Royal Rumble, and just knew that he would beat Diesel at WrestleMania 11 (Shawn was my favorite wrestler then. Now? He's blocked me on Twitter for some reason...times change).

Although Shawn didn't win, he did redeem himself the following year against Bret Hart, winning the belt. It was a great story. The most over guy going over for the belt, fulfilling his dream after fighting back from a bad injury (Shawn missed some time for a kayfabe injury after getting beat down at a nightclub, then from an Owen Hart kick) to win the Rumble and the title. Damn, that sounds familiar. Almost like Daniel Bryan fighting back from a near career ending injury after being stripped of the World title and losing his father to win the Royal Rumble and redeem himself in the main event of WrestleMania 31 against Brock Lesnar. Poetic justice, as they say. Oh, wait. Roman Reigns, who got booed out the building, won the 2015 Royal Rumble and Daniel Bryan was eliminated early. Man, how did WWE get that one wrong? Granted, WWE is trying to right that wrong for the moment by allowing Bryan to fight for a chance to main event against Brock, but the redemption story is tainted a bit, isn't it? This leads me to the point of this column.

WrestleMania used to be something to be overjoyed for. Something to be excited about. Something to go crazy over. Every year, the star that was the most over would be involved in the main event, get their just due, and everyone went home happy (or waiting for the payback, in the event the heel/champ won). I remember watching WrestleMania 17. I was older, already beyond thinking of wrestling in kayfabe terms, and just wanted to be entertained. I had never been more excited for an event in my life. I watched RAW and Smackdown faithfully waiting to see what else WWE had to offer. That feeling of excitement carried over for WrestleMania 18, 19, 20, and even 21. I wasn't happy with who the WWE had in line as the next guys to lead the charge after WrestleMania 21, but there truthfully weren’t many options who hadn't already been to the top. So, despite my initial feelings, I figured, let's see where this goes. At WrestleMania 22, I had very few matches that I enjoyed or were excited for, yet somehow the buildup intrigued me. The same goes for WrestleMania 23. I admittedly enjoyed WrestleMania 24 very much and the build up to WrestleMania 25 was intriguing despite a lackluster card. I remember taking a hiatus from watching here and there in 2009 because it wasn't exciting. I did that in 2008 but came back for WrestleMania 25 and was glad I did. I remember as WrestleMania 26 approached, I didn't have the feeling I usually have during WrestleMania season. Bret Hart was back, HBK vs Taker 2--I should be going crazy right? Well, I wasn't. The build to the PPV felt bland aside from one match or two, and the PPV itself fell flat to me. I took another hiatus from watching, returning to catch The Royal Rumble in 2011. I watched Alberto Del Rio win, and Edge and Miz retain their titles. I was bored out of my mind. What had previously been exciting regardless every year. I thought maybe I'm out growing wrestling. Then, I'd watch some ROH or another promotion and be excited, so that wasn't the case. The Rock returned for WrestleMania 27, and I admittedly got excited. Seeing The Rock gave me that WrestleMania feel. I hated the actual event and 90% of the buildup unless Rock was involved.

After WrestleMania 27, I stuck around and kept watching WWE regularly. I wasn't pleased with the product until one day when a Straight Edge Superstar sat on a ramp and cut an amazing promo. The Summer of Punk made me excited…until they fucked it up. Still, I thought, WWE would get it right by WrestleMania 28 and I knew we'd get to see The Rock vs John Cena, which was once in a lifetime (wait for it...). Chris Jericho returned and everyone expected him to win the Royal Rumble and face CM Punk for the title in a huge storyline. Sheamus won the Rumble and received a smattering of boos, which is never a good look. I remember sitting at the house watching RAW as Triple H stood in the ring and The Undertaker's music hit. As Taker walked to the ring to start the rematch storyline against HHH, I mumbled to my ex, "They’re doing this shit again"? Then I watched Chris Jericho win a no. 1 contender's match to set up Punk vs Jericho and I started to get excited. I thought "oh shit, Punk vs Jericho in the battle to see 'who's the best?' Promos weekly, outdoing the other? This will be great"! Then I watched that storyline turn into one about Punk's father being a drunk and loads of family issues. Melodramatic much? Then the main event, Rock vs Cena, should have had an epic buildup, but we just got Rock being held back in order to make Cena look like an equal (when has Rock needed promo notes? Ever? Except that convenient one time? Exactly). The end result delivered but the build didn't feel like Mania.

WrestleMania 29, I had built it in my head that the main event would be Punk vs Taker, streak vs title along with Rock vs Brock. Both seemed like money. I watched the Rumble that year and saw John Cena win the Rumble to a large amount of boos (coupled with cheers)--which is never a good look--and Rock win the title to set up a rematch for the belt. I instantly thought to myself, "wasn't this shit supposed to be once in a lifetime just last year"? I figured, "we have to get a fresh Brock match, right? Something exciting since we sat through his boring feud and match with HHH. Surely they wouldn't fuck up Brock's WrestleMania match, right?” Enter HHH for the unnecessary rematch. Two unnecessary rematches as your main events. The build disappointed and the event as well. I took a hiatus from watching during the fall and winter, but came back in time for the Rumble.

Now, Daniel Bryan had been the Authority for months, getting screwed over, and I just knew that he would win the Rumble to set up an epic story. I was wrong. Bryan was beat clean by Wyatt basically, and ignored the rest of the show. It took CM Punk to leave, the fans to backlash on Batista winning the Rumble, and other factors for WrestleMania to get the ending it should have. The event itself was good, but where was the excitement leading up to it? At this point, there was a period of 4 years where I just couldn't get excited for WrestleMania. 

That feeling has returned for this year’s WrestleMania. The feeling of "Eh" when I watch The Road to WrestleMania. I miss the feeling of excitement when I would watch and be blown away by the product. Or just entertained. That's what inspired this column: I feel like the Mania of WrestleMania has slipped away. With bad booking and bad decisions, WWE now makes the Road to WrestleMania feel like more a chore than actually wrestling to be enjoyed. Admittedly, the Sting angle has been done well but still not enough to salvage it so far.

In closing, this is my open letter to WWE:  I hope they get things figured out. WrestleMania used to be everything a wresting fan dreamed of.... Now it’s just a chore that we do because it's that time of year. As a longtime wrestling fan, I can say that for the 5th year in a row, I really don't have the WrestleMania "spirit". Will it ever return? Will the WWE start listening to their fans more? I remarked earlier about when Cena and Batista headlined WM21 and I wasn't mad because there was no one else really ready. That is not the case this year. We have Wyatt, Ambrose, Rollins, Ziggler, and of course BRYAN ready, yet they gave the shot to Roman, who was not getting over. It’s crazy what just that could do to stifle excitement on the Road to WrestleMania. At 5 weeks away from Mania, it’s very likely that the buildup doesn't live up to what it should and we'll have to look towards WM32 for the next glimmer of hope. Can this company bring the magic back? Is it gone forever? I can only wonder. Time will tell, but I just yearn for the day that the Mania truly returns.
Let's make that happen, Vince.
-The Immortal 
@TrueGodImmortal


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"Great" Moments In Wrestling History, Volume One

No Limit Soldiers vs West Texas Rednecks
By True (@TrueGodImmortal)

Good afternoon and welcome to the debut of this column looking at the "great" moments that tend to go overlooked in wrestling history. The moments that are so unbelievable, they make you question why you are even still a fan of the business. The moments where you put your head down in shame as something ridiculous parades across your screen. Yes, those moments.

Today, I wanted to start with the feud that doesn't get enough credit in aiding the downfall of WCW, the No Limit Soldiers vs The West Texas Rednecks (hold your applause please). In professional wrestling, you have those very moments where everything lines up, the electricity flows, the crowd goes wild, and emotions run high.


None of that happened here.

How could this have worked? You have the West Texas Rednecks, comprised of some legendary wrestlers, going into this feud as heels--IN THE DEEP SOUTH--against a team of minority wrestlers (except for Brad Armstrong and Chase Tatum), backed by a famous multimillionaire rap artist. This was doomed for failure at the inception. The reality of this situation was that WCW was desperate to find a new audience after WWF had been kicking their ass in the Monday Night War for over a year at the time. Somehow, this led WCW to believe bringing in Master P was a great idea that would captivate a bigger audience. This was not foreign in WCW to see celebrities on their program in active roles. The inclusion of Karl Malone, Dennis Rodman, NFL stars (what up, Mongo?), and Jay Leno, all worked well in the past, but this was ill-advised.

The feud starts with Master P having an altercation with Curt Hennig over a supposed gift that Curt attempted to give Silkk The Shocker (it'd be nice if Curt gave Silkk the ability to rap on beat, but I'm grasping at straws here). The No Limit Soldiers are supposed to be faces in the feud, yet they start off with heel activities? Yep, makes sense for 1999 WCW. Konnan and Rey Mysterio joined up with The No Limit Soldiers as Hennig gathered Barry and Kendall Windham along with Bobby Duncum, Jr. to make up the West Texas Rednecks. The feud was on. This could have been epic, right? Exposure for the company in the mainstream from using Master P's brand, entertaining segments with talent getting over, and a chance to help WCW get back in position to compete. What could possibly go wrong now?

Everything.

The West Texas Rednecks created a funny song called "Rap Is Crap," seen above. This song bordered on being racist (fuck it, the whole feud was racist as is), yet caught on quickly with the WCW fans of the deep south. Rap was still seen (even more so) as the bastard child of music at the time apparently. So, with the demographic of fans in WCW, the sentiment of "rap is crap" was shared. To be honest, I doubt any rapper could have got that storyline to work against the West Texas Rednecks in the south. WCW booked themselves into a hole, and no one was happy about what was going on.

The feud wasn't necessarily terrible match-wise, as Konnan and Rey picked up a victory over Duncum Jr and Hennig at the Great American Bash, setting the stage for a huge 8 man elimination match at Bash At The Beach. Up until now, I've neglected to mention Master P's true motivation for this entire venture, but I think it was apparent to all those who watched: Master P did this entire angle just to get his cousin, known as Swoll, a shot in the wrestling business.

This...is Swoll.

Usually a wrestler has to go train, get better, improve, work their way up the ranks to get a shot, but not Swoll. Swoll walked right in and got himself a match at one of the biggest PPVs for WCW. Now, was Swoll any good as a wrestler? Not really. Instead, the No Limit Wrestlers relied on Rey, Konnan and BA (Brad Armstrong) to do the heavy lifting in the ring. As the feud came to a close, I think the question everyone involved (including the WCW higher ups who approved the feud) would have to ask "was any of this worth it?"

ANY OF IT?

A smidgen?

A piece?

The answer to this question is simply HELL NO. There are many ideas that should have been left alone, this was one of them. BA went back to being just Brad Armstrong, Rey went on to start the Filthy Animals, Chase Tatum (apologies to the dead, but who the fuck was he?) disappeared aside from a cameo in 2007's Who's Your Caddy, Master P went back to counting money (he got paid 200,000 per appearance he made), Silkk the Shocker went back to spitting his off-beat trash verses, and The West Texas Rednecks disbanded not too long after this feud took place.

Lesson learned here, folks. Some ideas are better kept as just that: ideas. Next time on " Great" Moments In Wrestling History, I'll take a look at what I like to call, "The Era of The Enhancement Guys." Oh yes, T.L. Hopper, Salvatore Sincere, Aldo Montaya, and many more shall be immortalized by the Immortal One himself.

Until next time, stay classy...or something close to that.

-The Immortal
@TrueGodImmortal

PS: For a different view, but similar outcome, on the WTR/NLS feud, check out an older SOTB!!! post on the feud here.
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Nathan and Jon's Fast Lane Predictions

By Nathan (@Headliner5) and Jon (@BigJonDaLegend)


Nathan: It’s time once again for the monthly WWE PPV prediction column with Jon and myself. This time we are covering WWE Fast Lane 2015. We are treading into some uncharted waters because this is a first-time pay-per-view. We have no idea what to expect, we can’t base things off of past years going into this one. So, while it’s an exciting time because we are getting a brand new PPV...it’s also a time to be skeptical as well for the very same reason I gave as to why to be excited. Another thing to take into consideration is the fact that this pay-per-view is free with the free month of the WWE Network. Last time the WWE Network had a free month, they had a really good Survivor Series. This time around, we could get the same with Fast Lane. But, like I said earlier, we truly don’t know. Enough, of my rambling let’s get to running down the crowd what do you say Jon?

Kick Off
Miz TV with Paul Heyman

Nathan: It makes me a bit mad that they wont be having a match on the pre-show. But, this could work. I’m not a fan of The Miz. I know I’m not supposed to because he’s a heel, but what he generates is more X-Pac Go-Away Heat than legitimate heel heat. On the other hand, I’m a huge Paul Heyman fan. So, WWE is doing a great job of making me want to see this thing because of Paul Heyman.

Sting and Triple H Face to Face 

Nathan: This is another thing that’s not really a match. It’s got some intrigue to it though because of the men involved. I’m actually really looking forward to the match between Triple H and Sting at WrestleMania, because it has a chance to be really good. Plus, it’ll be the first time that Sting wrestles inside of a WWE ring so it has some historic value to it.  This will be the second time that Triple H and Sting face off and who knows what will go down but I can’t wait to see how it plays out because it will shape the road to Wrestlemania.

Dean Ambrose vs. Bad News Barrett {C}
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match

Jon: Its refreshing to see some one actively going after the Intercontinental Championship they Dean has. Wade Barrett has all the skills to be a great champion, but he hasn't lived up to his potential as of yet. This match won't be a technical wrestling masterpiece its gonna be a brutal brawl. This is likely to be the only title change of the night, as Dean Ambrose will pull off an upset.

Jon’s Prediction: Winner and NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose

Nathan: This match could be very good and I actually don’t mind the way that they built it up on Monday. It wasn’t the best they could have done. But at least they are trying, right? That’s all you can ask for the biggest wrestling company in the world. But, really I’m not sure how I feel about this match to be honest because whoever wins whether it be Dean or Barrett will be lost in the shuffle.

The reason being because the WWE doesn’t value the Intercontinental title the way the used to and it’s almost seen as a curse. I feel like Ambrose could use it as a way to rehabilitate his character because I still can’t take him seriously post-exploding TV. Barrett recently won it and I’m not sure if he should lose it just yet but in a way they put the belt on him and didn’t capitalize on it and while the very same thing could happen with Dean Ambrose (should he win )I have a feeling he will be winning this match.

Nathan’s Prediction: Winner and NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion Dean Ambrose

Cesaro and Tyson Kidd vs. The Usos {C}
WWE Tag Team Championship Match

Jon: Usos win, this rivalry just started and Kidd and Cesaro need a little more time together before they win the title.

Jon’s Prediction: Winners and Still WWE Tag Team Champions The Uso’s

Nathan: Cesaro and Tyson Kidd have gained some momentum and have had some very entertaining matches throughout their run as a tag team.  I didn’t think I would like them as a team but I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I do.  Whenever the Uso’s are the tag team champions things can get a bit stale.  It’s not that the Uso’s themselves are stale because that’s not the case it’s the fact that creative doesn’t necessarily know what to do with them.  I actually thought the double date segment between Natalya, Tyson Kidd, Jimmy Uso and Naomi was great and it did a lot to advance the storyline so that’s something. Again I’m glad that they are trying with this one but my hope for this is that we will get new WWE Tag Team Champions in Cesaro and Kidd, which will in turn breathe some new life into the tag division, which has grown relatively stale.

Nathan’s Prediction: Winners and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions Cesaro and Tyson Kidd

Paige vs. Nikki Bella {C}
WWE Diva’s Championship Match

Jon: Nikki’s run with the divas title won't come to an end just yet. There isn't anything exciting about this feud besides Paige in a towel this Monday on Raw.

Jon’s Prediction: Winner and STILL WWE Diva’s Champion Nikki Bella

Nathan: Since I’m conditioned not to care about WWE Divas matches, the same thing has happened here. They do a bunch of stuff to build the matches that they think will make me care...when the truth is that it’s the exact opposite. For those of you who missed RAW Monday night Nikki and Brie performed a breaking and entering into Paige’s locker room in order to steal her ring gear prior to her (Paige’s) match. After that, Paige had to track down one of the Rosebuds (Blue Pants in NXT a/k/a Leva Bates) in order to obtain some clothes that she could wear for the match so she didn’t have to wrestle naked.

Also, at one point on commentary during that whole thing, JBL said the word “wrestling” and I’m sure he got an earful from that insane lunatic in the back.  So to wrap things up here The Bella’s went against the entire B A Star campaign because they are bullies and Paige is just Paige and she’s awesome. Although I want Paige to win this match my brain is telling me that it’s not going to happen and that we are going to be stuck with more Bella shenanigans going forward.

Nathan’s Prediction: Winner and STILL WWE Diva’s Champion Nikki Bella

Goldust vs. Stardust

Jon: The Rhodes brothers have had a good run as a tag team, as well as depleting the amount of tag teams in WWE. This match up has been a long time coming the tension between the two has been building for months. I think Goldust will get the win but this won't be their last fight.

Jon’s Prediction: Goldust

Nathan: This match seems to have been brewing for quite some time with the friction between the Rhodes brothers. It began with some mis-communication between the Brothers Dust and involved Stardust getting mad at Goldust. When Goldust got his brother's attention, by calling him Cody, Stardust replied with “Cody is dead."

Things finally came to a head this past Monday night on RAW when Star and Goldust lost a tag team match to New Day members Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods due to more mis-communication. Stardust, post-match, hit his patented Cross Rhodes finishing maneuver on his brother. Now Star and Goldust are set to explode this Sunday night as part of the Fast Lane pay per view. If I had to venture a guess, I would say that Goldust will be the likely winner in this one. This will, in turn, lead to setting up a WrestleMania match that the two brothers have been petitioning WWE to do for quite some time. Plus, we can finally get Cody Rhodes back and Stardust can go away forever.

Nathan’s Prediction: Goldust

John Cena vs. Rusev {C}
WWE United States Championship Match

Jon: Hustle Loyalty and Respect. That's Cena's mantra, always overcoming the obstacles. For a man who never backs down from a fight, he hasn't been winning at the normal Cena rate this year. While Rusev has been on a path of destruction ever since being on the main roster no one goes undefeated in wrestling (Ed. Note: see: "The Streak," Undertaker and Goldberg entries). But, the fact that Rusev hasn't been pinned or tapped out this long is quite impressive. The Russian can prove a lot if he can beat Cena. If he doesn't his career outlook could mirror Kozlov or Lord Tensai. We all remember how Tensai dominated until Cena stopped him in his tracks, transforming the big man from a feared singles competitor into a dancing tag team with Brodus Clay. Rusev, it's your time to prove that you are truly unstoppable.

Jon’s Prediction: Winner and STILL WWE United States Champion Rusev

Nathan: This one is a hard one because it has so many caveats to it. John Cena is the unstoppable force while Rusev is the unstoppable monster. Rusev is undefeated and John Cena, according to the Internet, ruins things. While John Cena doesn’t need the United States Title, he wants to win it because 'Murica. Rusev, on the other hand, wants to Crush Cena and prove that he’s an old man who can’t get it done anymore.  I’m torn on who to predict as the winner of this match. My heart says Rusev. My brain says Cena. So, I’ll go with a completely different route and say we get a Disqualification somehow and that Cena will win when Rusev goes apeshit and the referee has to stop the match because of it most likely Rusev wont break The Accolade and that will force the referee’s hand and the DQ finish.

Nathan’s Prediction: Winner John Cena via Disqualification

Roman Reigns vs. Daniel Bryan
#1 Contenders Match where the winner advances to WrestleMania to face off against WWE Champion Brock Lesnar

Jon: This is Reigns’ first chance to Main Event a pay-per-view. After the way the Philly crowd turned on him at Royal Rumble, I hope he shines. Daniel Bryan has always been an underdog with a lot of fight in him so this match up is good test for both men. It's a shame that they are fighting for the chance to get destroyed by the Beast Incarnate Brock Lesnar. Daniel Bryan should win because there is big money in seeing the YES! Movement vs. Brock Lesnar.

Jon’s Prediction: Winner, and #1 Contender to the WWE Championship at WrestleMania, Daniel Bryan

Nathan: I want to say that this match is also hard to predict but it’s really not if you think about it. Roman Reigns already won the Royal Rumble and has earned a title shot at WrestleMania. Daniel Bryan wants a chance to regain the title that he never lost. So...even if the WWE didn’t want to do anything to build this match, they really didn’t have to. Of course, we got the pull apart brawl at the end of RAW (it was very good if I do say so myself).

But, it doesn’t change the fact that Roman Reigns is going to win this match. I don’t necessarily want him to win but there’s no point in having him lose. The reason being that even if he does lose this match, he will end up getting added back to the match anyway (see 2006 when Orton beat Mysterio at No Way Out to take his title shot. Teddy Long, the GM at the time, added Rey back into the match to make it a triple threat). However even if that were to happen, it won't because WWE will not give us a triple threat world title main event two years in a row.

Nathan’s Prediction: Winner and #1 Contender to the WWE Championship at WrestleMania Roman Reigns

And there you have it Eyes On The Ring readers, you now have the 411 on what Jon and myself think will happen at the inaugural Fast Lane.  Like I said earlier this is a first time event from the WWE so it’s a bit more unpredictable but if you consider or in some cases remember what company it is you are watching then you would quickly realize that it’s not that unpredictable after all.  This is the final stop on the road to Wrestlemania as far as Pay Per View’s are concerned and I hope it’s worth it.  Plus once this event is over we will know a little more about where WWE is headed as far as the Showcase of The Immortals is concerned.

So until Sunday be sure and follow Jon on twitter @BigJonDaLegend and also myself Nathan @Headliner5.  Also be sure to follow Eyes On The Ring on twitter @EyesOnTheRing.  If you have any thoughts after reading this be sure and drop either myself or Jon a message on twitter and let us know what you think.  You can also go to Facebook.com/EyesOnTheRing liking us and letting us know your thoughts if Facebook is more your avenue of communication.

Last, but not least visit the brand new EyesOnTheRing.com, home of everything Eyes On The Ring as Jon, myself and the rest of the team bring you all of the latest wrestling news, views, and opinions finally check out the radio show immediately following WWE Fast Lane as we bring you our live reactions to everything that went down over at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/elitepodcastnetwork

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WIRTB Review: Hogan versus Warrior II

Good morning Vietnam! It's the one and only SOTB!!! back with another WIRTB Review, where I review the wrestling crap (not the "WrestleCrap," because copyrights), so you don't have to.

Today, WIRTB Review is being brought to you by Everclear, the drink of college dorm parties everywhere. As part of this new sponsorship, I've been tasked with a match that's been considered by many to be the worst match in wrestling history. I'm talking the match that Dave Meltzer gave negative-five stars to. We're talking Hogan v. Warrior, Part Two at Halloween Havoc 1998.

A bit of backstory before we begin. By this point, WCW was just pissing away money, if you let "the big wigs" tell it. The Ultimate Warrior was one of the last major WWF hold-overs from the 1980s and 1990s to not sign with WCW, a la Sting in the WWE up until 2014. So, when Warrior, may he rest in peace, signed with WCW, we were given everything. Cryptic messages, cult-like conversions (he ran the "One Warrior Nation," a play on the NWO), smoke tricks, trap doors that almost paralyzed the British Bulldog, and this:


Yep, we were given a scene fresh out of Looney Tunes. 

Hogan, at this point, was in the middle of having the NWO run into the ground. So, when these two finally met up again one-on-one at Halloween Havoc 1998, people were legitimately looking forward to it. In some ways, it was almost like Rock versus Cena II. You knew you weren't going to get a great, or even good, match. However, the moment was probably enough to keep things in line.

And then the match actually started.

Hogan and Warrior trade armbars and whatnot. The crowd begins to shit all over this. Schiavone tries to cover by saying "you may not like it, but this is smart wrestling." Wow. We're not even five minutes in and this has happened. More grandstanding is given and we get a repeat of the Warrior/Hogan test of strength from WM 6, which results in Hogan beating the hell out of Warrior. We then get the "Hogan getting head in a test of strength" spot. I'm already losing interest in this match.

Hogan starts just laughing at Warrior, the camera angles make me nauseous, and Schiavone and Heenan pretty much call Hogan an egotistical fuckhead. We then get tons of no-selling and tons of misconnected shots. Hogan "drops" a non-existent knee on the ref, then runs into Warrior's attack. From here, we get Paul Wight, Stevie Ray, "Vincent" (Virgil), and probably some others who I can't remember running out to beat the hell out of Warrior to no avail. How does he beat them? Pretty much by doing the equivalent of Zangief's spinning lariat to everyone.

Hogan then begins whipping and choking Warrior out with a weight belt. This is retorted by...Warrior doing the same to Hogan? And after this, of course, we get one of the greatest worst spots in wrestling history. Do I really need to spell this one out to you?

FIREWINSLOL.

But, this match wasn't that bad...if you look at it from a "we know this is going to be fucking horrible, let's see how badly it crashes" point of view. If you're looking for a sequel to Hogan versus Warrior from WM6, don't. Ever. Hell, even if you're looking for Royal Rumble 2015, run away. If you're looking for the shit Botchamania dreams are made of? This is your match. 

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

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WIRTB Review: Greed 2001

Pray for me, if you're the religious type, because we're about to get Greed-y.


Welcome back, Ringers. It is I, the guy who suggested DDP do yoga, even though he himself can't get many poses down pat, SOTB!!! here to review the crap, so you don't have to. In this edition of WIRTB Review, we go back into the annals of WCW and pull out this gem.

I know, it's not good manners to kick a dying horse when they're already dead, but Nathan and the rest of the EOTR team didn't think I could get through this one without hurling my skull through my computer screen to produce sparks, a la Dean Ambrose at TLC 2014.

Good times for all.

We open the show with DDP, ironically enough, hyping up his match with Scott Steiner and the Diamond Cutter. The editing on this promo is pure shit. It looks like something out of a Jerry Springer episode entitled "My Baby Mama Fucked Around and Ruined My Wrasslin' Company." All I've got to ask is this:

What the fuck did I sign up for?

Our first match of the night is Kwee-Wee (who, according to Ye Olde Wikipedia, was not intended to be a gay stereotype, even with the Eurodance theme, the pink get-up, the Goku-meets-Kurt-from-Glee hairdo, and potentially stereotypical mannerisms. He was however intended to be a "Jekyll and Hyde" character) versus Jason Jett. For those who may not know, Jason Jett is better known as EZ Money from ECW. Now, the first think I've noticed about this opening match was the fact that the themes were seemingly ripped out of "Wrestling Theme Tropes 2001." Heavy riffs that seem ripped from WWF (or pop culture) are plentiful throughout.

Kwee-Wee is called a "youngster" when compared to Jett, even though they're about the same age. Schiavone also calls out WCW as riding on the backs of the older guys. The crowd chants "Kwee-Wee Sucks," and Tony Schiavone says that they're chanting for Kwee-Wee. Good lord, it's like Back to the Future. A shitload of telegraphed moves later and Kwee-Wee gets thrown out the ring. Jett plays possum, only to catch Kwee-Wee off guard. Kwee-Wee gets "swerved," as we're told by our announcing team.

Ok, let's stop right here. I'm all for breaking kayfabe, when done correctly. Throwing out "insider" terms like "swerve," "getting over," "midcarders," "buried," and so on, it works--when there's a point to doing so. You do it ad nauseum as WCW did during those last couple years, and you're insulting the intelligence of your audience. I mean, for fuck's sake! We're supposed to suspend belief and think Kwee-Wee and Jason Jett are legitimately kicking each others' asses and your announcing team is supposed to be putting the action over, not being smarks about it. Anyway, Jett wins with the "Crash Landing," a rolling release suplex that looks legit like it could kill someone.

WCW: We're Here to Kill Each Other.

Jett would go on to rebirth the EZ Money gimmick on the indies. Kwee-Wee would go on to a homosexual gimmick in TNA (why am I not surprised?)

Alright, so our next match is Elix Skipper and Kid Romeo versus Rey Mysterio, Jr. and Billy Kidman. A Rey Mysterio double play. Whose wife did I bone to receive this honor?


Ok, seriously, Rey at this point is still pretty awesome. So, let me be unbiased and call this match as it needs to be called. This is a pretty spot-filled match. Not too much in the way of ring story, psychology, or anything other than spots. The match is just spot after spot after SPOT! So, you've got four pretty legit cruiserweight talents in the ring. And all WCW allows for is just a bunch of flippy-do bullshit? And I thought WCW respected the cruiserweights. We then get Romeo and Elix male twerking to celebrate and me reaching for the bleach.

We get Buff Bagwell doing what seems like a parody of Behind the Bash 1988 with Ric Flair, Jeff Jarrett, and Road Warrior Animal talking about upcoming matches. Then, Stacy Keibler enters the ring to generic porn music for the hipster stripper crowd. Why is she not in the WWE Hall of Fame? Seriously. Shawn Stasiak enters to some weird techno rip on "The Dynasty Intro" to get the "Shawn and Stacy Show" going, where he goes on a rant about Bam Bam Bigelow. Shawn starts tossing out photos of himself, because he knew that people would kill each other for Stacy photos.

Our next match? Bam Bam Bigelow versus Shawn Stasiak. So...many...missed spots. WCW was notorious for letting their cameramen capture shit angles. This match was no exception. The match ends with BBB getting sprayed in the face by hair spray and Shawn getting the win.

Hair spray: more dangerous to wrestlers than drugs, prostitutes, and botched spots.

I've still got about two hours to go. And, holy shit, it's Konnan out for our next match.

Konnan and Hugh Morrus versus Lance Storm and Mike Awesome. I still never got how so many non-Canadians were in "Team Canada," when the point of it was supposed to be Canadian pride. Whatever. If the Rey match was nothing but spots, this match is the exact opposite of that. Now, I don't want to piss off Lance Storm (or maybe I do), but he's boring as fuck. He's a solid technician, but he's boring. Not even Daniel Bryan "boring," because at least Daniel can cut a promo, make people laugh with him, and has the "Yes!" chant in his back pocket, should he start fucking up royally. Lance can barely even do that. Konnan sells mostly everything like he got shot out a cannon.

God, this match is boring.

So, while I'm waiting for the end of this match, be sure to check out the new Team DAR single "Green Light" at this link. That's how shit this match is. I've taken to shamelessly plugging music within the body of the review and outside of the closing thoughts. Mike Awesome wins with the Awesome Bomb and I'm ready to stab myself in the eyes.

Chavo versus Shane Helms (with his fake "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" theme) is next for the Cruiserweight Championship. The announcers actually call this match, which is great. There is a lot of chain wrestling in this one, and it doesn't look as telegraphed as some chain combos can. I'm not a big Chavo fan, but this match is one of my favorites. We're given everything you could ask for from a match. Shane wins with a Vertebreaker after a hard-fought match.

And this is where the event again goes from good to shit. Up to this point, the event hasn't been too horrible. It's been bad. I mean, it is WCW in 2001. However, it's been halfway excusable. However, the next match just takes everything awesome about this PPV and shoves it down the toilet.

The Natural Born Thrillers beat Totally Buffed in fifty-four seconds. Fuck this company.

Next up, Ernest Miller versus Kanyon in a match that should've been, time-wise, switched with the Totally Buffed match. This shit goes on for ten minutes. And by the second, I'm already calling for my mama. Ernest hits a sick powerbomb on Kanyon. And, Miller had this match won after that, but no. We get about another six minutes of these two going at it. Miller wins with The Feliner after Ms. Jones kicking the hell out of Kanyon. Kanyon is pissed by this, proceeds to hit the Flatliner on Miller. This causes Smooth, Miller's limo driver, coming out with a chair--and a rip-off of "Smooth Operator."

To keep me from going off the edge, this is Ms. Jones circa 2011.


Booker T and Rick Steiner are up next for the US Heavyweight Championship match. Booker wins. 'Nuff said. Booker was booked to look really strong. However, unlike Roman Reigns, he connected with the fans. One qualm with this match is how the hell did Rick Steiner not see Shane Douglas climbing up behind him, "broken" arm in tow?

Anyhow, we've got two matches left and I'm hating the hell out of this PPV. Our second to last match features Dustin and Dusty Rhodes versus Double J and Ric Flair in a "kiss my ass" match. Dustin looks like a man possessed here, killing Jarrett from the jump pretty much. Then Ric comes out and does the same to Dustin. I'm honestly, at this point, numbed from the fuckery. I legitimately can't properly render a verdict on this PPV at this point because I've just been lulled to stupid by the, well, stupidity of this PPV's matches. Dustin wins with one of the worst roll-ups I've seen.

Dusty after winning: "pucker them lips up and come in here and kiss...my...BIG WHITE ASS!" This line was made even more ridiculous by Dusty's drawl. Dusty does an old-man stink-face to Jarrett and I almost lost my lunch. Afterwards, Double J and Ric Flair hug it out, no-selling everything that just happened. Should I say it again? Fuck this company.

And now, for our main event, which probably cost somewhere between $2 and $5 million dollars to put together. Ok, maybe just a single M. This is the last WCW PPV we're talking about. Michael Buffer comes out to announce DDP and Steiner.


After entrances, Steiner goes off on DDP and the crowd as only Big Poppa Pump can. "Shut up, fat ass," he yells over and over and over. Steiner beats DDP with a kid's crutch and begins to set up a table in front of the Spanish Announcing table. The crutch get hands DDP his other crutch. We come back to ringside as DDP gets clocked by some sort of clock-looking thing (see what I did there?)

By this point, both DDP and Steiner are busted open and then just proceed to try and kill each other. "Count you son-of-a-bitch," Steiner yells at the ref after a near-fall. Steiner no-sells DDP's offense then hits him with a suplex. I'm surprisingly into this match. I don't know if it's Steiner shitting on everyone in the arena or what, but this match is pretty decent. Neither of these guys are really all that technical, but they've pulled out the stops.

After a decent amount of back and forth and a lot of blood lost, Steiner slaps on the Steiner Recliner and picks up the win. He then proceeds to try and kill DDP with the help of Rick Steiner.

So, was this PPV a fair enough send off to WCW? Was it really that bad? Or, well, was it shit?

Well, I remember the DDP/Steiner match being a lot worse than I saw today. Perhaps it was my younger WWF bias, but the main event was not all that bad. The rest of the PPV, however, was an uneven mix between clusterfuck, what the fuck, and fuck this company. And, let's face it: two good matches don't make a great PPV. So, yes, this PPV was really that bad. Come for the main event if you want to hear/see some Steinermania. Stay for Chavo versus Helms. Fuck pretty much everything else.

Up next, I'll take a look at 1998's Hogan versus Warrior II. So, until next time, Ringers, this is Speed on the Beat saying I review the crap, so you don't have to. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to pour up another shot.

-Speed
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WIRTB Review: WrestleMania XXVII

Greetings, everyone. It's SOTB!!! back with another edition of "Was It Really That Bad" Review, sponsored by Bacardi 151 and the good folks at EyesontheRing.com.

Spoiler Alert: This is the payoff of the night.

Alright, so recently, I got a tip from EOTR's own Big Jon to check out WrestleMania XXVII to determine the question that's on everyone's mind (well, hopefully): was it really that bad? WM XXVII was the PPV in which Edge wrestled his last match, we got a lot of wonkiness, CM Punk as leader of The New Nexus, and the culmination of the Cena/Miz/Rock feud, which ended up becoming the backbone for OnceTwice in a Lifetime.

Our show begins with one of my former baes, Keri Hilson, singing "America the Beautiful." I won't bother you with a full-on review of her singing, because that's what my other site is for, shameless plug. She does, however, at least halfway do the song justice (even if she starts to do too many runs). Instead, just gaze at her booty and crazily-long legs.

So far, we're off to a good start, Jon.

After this (and The Rock going on his "Cuck Fena" tip), we go to the first match of the evening: Edge versus Alberto Del Riiiiiiiiiiiiio for the WHC. This is before Brodus Clay became the Funkasaurus and then Tyrus in TNA, so he's still considered a big deal (and a big heavy for a legit talent). Edge comes out with the pomp and circumstances fit for a man who's about to blow out his neck doing what he loves. Now, right off the bat, I have a problem with the WHC being a curtain jerker. This belt has history, but constantly has been treated like the modern-day US Championship.

Edge and Alberto trade bitchslaps to start, and Maggle Cole starts blowing his load over ADR's pedigree. It takes no less than two minutes for these two to start brawling outside and ADR to take it to Edge's injured arm, which will play a big part in this match. We head back inside the ring and ADR lets Edge have it on the ropes. So far, the psychology of this match is pretty decent. The managers aren't taking over. And HOLY SHIT ADR JUST DOVE THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPE FEET FIRST!

ADR and Edge, after heading back inside, hits an armbar off the top rope. He then gets a spinning heel kick and a big boot for his troubles. After some decent chain wrestling, ADR hits the Enziguri on Edge for a near fall. Edge has his foot moved off the bottom rope, which leads to a schmozz between Brodus, Ricardo Rodriguez, and Christian. ADR hits a sick-looking cross armbreaker on Edge after a missed spear. After powering out, we get the Edgecator from Edge, another powerout, and Edge's final spear in a match in WWE (aside from, y'know, WWE 2K14 and stuff).

Edge, being Edge, doesn't leave on his knees. He instead decides to put Big Gold on the hood of ADR's car, then goes all Goldberg circa 1999. Instead of beating the crap out of it with his hands, like a dumbass, Edge does what normal people would: he uses a crowbar.

Over three years later, ADR would exact some sort of revenge against the white devils by slapping the crap out of a racist social media manager.

Oh, shit. I forgot that Michael Cole had a match in this WM. The cool points are straight out the window. However, we get Undashing Cody Rhodes, one of my favorite iterations of Cody, out next against Rey Mysterio in an old-school Captain America-inspired getup. Now, seeing as we're both under 5'8", I can call him a midget and not feel like I'm being derogatory...I think.


Before it was cool to hate Mysterio (Royal Rumble 2014), I found myself wanting everyone in their right mind to beat the fuck out of him. It's a combination of his horrible theme song, his inability to stay healthy, the fact that WWE turned him more into a tiny flippy-do-doing assclown. If you watch his WCW matches, you'll see that Mysterio, at one point, was more than 619s and grabbing his knee. Somewhere after 2010, he, for me, served no more real use in WWE aside from the ocassional 619. He became something like Kofi Kingston in that he was good for one thing.

The match itself wasn't bad. I just found myself not giving a crap. Cody got the win with a pretty nasty Cross Rhodes after knocking Rey out with his knee brace.

Snoop Dizzle fo' shizzle is in the hizzle with Teddy Lizzle in some sort of American Idol bullshit, because WWE, as usual in the 2010s, is late on cashing in numerous times on pop culture memes.
Let's run down the list, shall we?

William Regal dropped some knowledge.
Khali, enough said.
Zack Ryder kind of predicted how his tenure in WWE would turn out after 2012 by covering Rebecca Black's "Friday," then gets knocked out by Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Yoshi Tastu with Mason Ryan juggling his man-tits to "We Will Rock You."
Hornswoggle in his mute gimmick, who then drops some of the worst wrasslin' bars ever, accompanied by The Bella Twins. Thankfully, or sadly, this was before twerking. So, we missed out on Brie and Nikki "clappin' dem cakes" on the side of Hornswoggle.


Who's up next in this shit show? Oh, The Corre, you say? Cool. I get to see...Ezekiel Jackson and Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel perform back-up duties to Wade Barrett. And who are they going up against? Kane and The Big Show accompanied by Kofi Kingston and OMG IT'S SANTINO?! Unholy hell, this is the first time Santino has appeared in a WIRTB Review. Kofi too, but fuck Kofi. 

This match was useless. As hell. Nothing but a schmozzfest, including Kofi diving onto everyone outside the ring. Santino hits The Cobra followed by a KO Punch/WMD on Heath Slater. Four years later, Heath Slater is still jobbing to...pretty much everyone, Kofi Kingston is still employed, and The Cobra is still sold as being a legitimate attack.

Up next, Cage Master Punk versus Mr. #RKOouttaNOWHERE. The set-up to this match was masterfully done, kind of. Per Wiki, because I'm lazy: 
Another plot building up towards WrestleMania involved CM Punk and Randy Orton. Beginning the year, CM Punk became the leader of the The New Nexus.[24] At the Royal Rumble (2011) Punk cost Orton the WWE Championshiptelling him that it was his revenge for Orton by punting him at Unforgiven in 2008 Punk is the World Heavyweight Champion and he is unable to defend his World Heavyweight Championship in a championship scramble which he had to forfeit.[23][25] On February 28 the anonymous Raw General Manager announced a match between Punk and Orton. In addition, the General Manager said that Orton will face one of the members of the New Nexus each week. If Orton lost, his opponents would be allowed to be in Punk's corner at WrestleMania; if he won, his opponent are banned from attending the event.[14] Orton won all of his matches so Michael McGillicutty David Otunga and Mason Ryan are banned from ringside. Before WrestleMania, Punk hit Orton's right leg with a wrench after Punk used Orton's wife as bait to lure Orton to the parking lot.
The match itself delivers. It feels like a blood feud. Orton is given an opponent he doesn't have to completely carry--and/or isn't Cena for the 5000th time. Punk doesn't look like he hates life. The crowd chants for CM Punk, and he's actually there to acknowledge it. Finishers are countered in a way that isn't straight out of the Smackdown vs Raw 2008 playbook. There's even a "Purple Aki" sign in the crowd. Good times. The match ends with an RKO out of nowhere countered from a springboard clothesline.

From here, Rocky is backstage with MEAN GENE talking about John Cena's Number One Fan. Can you guess who it is? It's none other that Pee-Wee Herman, seen below set-trippin' with Rocky.

"Don't make me go get Cowboy Curtis up in this bitch."
The Rock sees potential in Pee-Wee to be a man, then brings out Mean Gene, who's now decked out in Cena gear. After being called a tool, Mean Gene walks off, pissed off. We then get Pee-Wee doing his best (read: worst) impersonation of The Rock. You've gotta give Rock credit for being corny as hell here, but still being able to deliver this with a straight face.

Our HOF recipients are out next.

1) Fuck Abdullah the Butcher.
2) I'd still beat the bricks off Sunny, Skype and all. It's probably because I have memories of her looking like this:

...and not asking people to PayPal her for old-ass pictures. PayPal or not, she'd still get it. 
3) Road Warriors are one of the best tag teams of all-time.
4) Drew Carey's useless.
5) Bob Armstrong is a legend. Plus, one of his sons is Road Dogg. 'Nuff Said.
6) Jim Duggan looks like a drunk.
7) HBK is...well, he's HBK. Even if he is kind of a tool, he's our tool.

Fuck. We've got two more hours to go and my drink's getting light. Now for a word from our sponsors.


Alright, now where was I? So, we've got two hours left of this shit show. Our next match up is Maggle vs. DA KING! We get a recap where King starts beating the fuck out of Jack Swagger and Cole's "impregnable" glass case. Our special ref for tonight is Stone Cold! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!!! So, maybe this won't be a complete clusterfuck. Booker T is out to call the action to no sort of reaction. JR's up next, and pretty much tells Cole to fuck off.

Michael Cole's out next with X-Pac Go Away Heat, shitting on JR and looking like some mix between Steve Carrell and Gumby. Jack Swagger's out with his old rip-off RATM theme. As Swagger goes through his push-up fuckery, the glass shatters and he looks like he just vacated his bowels.


Stone Cold is out on his ATV, almost runs over Thwagger, and has Cole scared. 

And, finally, we've got Lawler out and ready to kick some ass, take some names, and all that fuckery. How in the holy fuck was this match almost as long as the Main Event? I mean, for fuck's sake. We could've even had Sheamus versus Daniel Bryan for the US Championship in this spot, instead of just a random dark match. Lawler beats the hell out of Cole in the "Cole Mine" and I'm beating my head against my desk at this point. Pray I don't end up like Ziggler, circa 2013 and early 2014, depushed and concussed to high hell. 

I can't even speak on the stupidity of this match seriously. Cole beats Lawler by DQ, SCSA stuns everyone in the world, the end.

Next up? Undertaker versus Triple H II. For those who remember, Undertaker and Trips first faced off at a WrestleMania ten years prior, which (of course) Taker won. And, of course, Taker wins here. I don't think we need to talk much about this match, as it was one of the best Taker WrestleMania matches in The Streak. It was brutal, violent, and a great mix of old-school and new-school wrestling styles. The story told in the ring was amazing and could potentially be my favorite Taker match at WrestleMania (yes, that includes the Taker/HBK matches).

From one of the greatest WrestleMania matches to...Snooki. Geez, Jon, you really know how to pick 'em. This event so far has had GREAT highs and horrible lows. The lows, however, are enough to drag this event down. Anyways, our next-to-last match is JoMo, Trish, and Snooki versus LayCool and Dolph Ziggler.

Snooki gets the win with one of the worst splashes I've ever seen, even from non-wrestlers. 


I remember back in the day in middle school, True and I, along with some other people, would stage our own backyard matches during lunch and/or whenever the teachers were running late. One of my finishers was the "Fat Boy Splash," a take on Eddie's Frog Splash with a mix of an elbow drop. My "Fat Boy Splash" got more air than Snooki, and we were probably the same height and weight at this point. And WWE wonders why people shit on women's wrestling from the WWE. You had Snooki win over Michelle McCool and Layla.

Thankfully, we're at the last match of the night at this point, Cena versus Miz for the WWE Championship. At least Cena didn't have his shirt thrown back at him. Truthfully, this match wasn't that bad. Cena and Miz did the best with what they were given. I mean, we all knew that, considering how much shit-talking Rock had for Cena throughout the show, Rock would come out at some point. However, when he did, I still felt cheated out of a match. Cena and Miz were at the point where they absolutely hated the shit out of each other. And here comes Rock to set up Once in a Lifetime, Part One, laying waste to everyone.

At the end of this four-hour spectacle, we have one question left to ask: was it really that bad?

Yes. As mentioned previously in this review, the highs of this event were high, very high. However, the lows, including the Russo-era-esque finish to the main event, just keep this event from being better than it could've been. No titles changed hands, and the main event was a giant set-up for WrestleMania 28. Miz was fed to Rocky without even losing, thus making the importance of the WWE Title less than the (at the time) upcoming grudge match between Cena and Rocky. No, it wasn't as putrid as some pundits would have you believe...but it still deserves its fair share of "ugh" and vitriol.

So, until next time, this is SOTB!!! saying thanks for reading and remember: I review the crap, so you don't have to. Our next WIRTB review, as suggested by EOTR's Nathan, is Greed 2001.

Pray for me.

-Speed on the Beat