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Tuesday, June 16, 2015

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True's WIRTB Review: WWE: Originals Album

It worked so well the first time that we decided to give it another shot as I, True God Immortal, return with another WIRTB. This WIRTB is on the hilarious WWE Originals album released in 2004 featuring the WWE superstars singing original songs likely written by Jim Johnston.

There are few things that are truly once in a lifetime in wrestling. As we learned in 2012-2013, even things promoted as "Once In A Lifetime" don't end up as that(even if they should). Let's hope for everyone that this experiment was just that.

The music begins(or doesn't) with Stone Cold going back and forth with Jim about the lack of beer at the recording session and oddly enough, that's a highlight. For some reason, WWE felt The Dudley Boyz doing their Linkin Park impression was a great way to start this album off. They were wrong. The album(if you want to call it that), continues with the beautiful Trish Stratus trying her hand at a soft love song called "I Just Want You", and Trish doesn't sound THAT terrible actually. The song is just quite hilarious.

We arrive at what I consider the funniest song on this entire project, Rey Mysterio's "Crossing Borders". The song is reminiscent of a bad Baby Bash mixed with a South Park Mexican track. Rey raps most incoherently and slightly off-beat, making an already terrible song even worse. The project takes a funny turn with Booker T trying his hand at rapping, with the aptly titled "Can You Dig It", and the result is not as bad as expected, but it is still comedy. Booker would likely fit well as a rapper in a different setting, but this song is just pure hilarity.

We reach what I consider the comedy highlight of the album, as Kurt Angle raps over a rock-esque beat on "I Don't Suck(Really)", which is hilarious already just off the title. Angle calls himself "the only white rapper in tune with the brothas", causing me to fall out on the floor in hysterics at the sheer absurdity of that statement alone.

Following Angle's atrocity of a song, Lita, who apparently is a rock singer in real life, provides with a song that's not really hilarious, but just plain awful. Lilian Garcia, who is a singer as well, follows this with a very heavy rock song that doesn't feature bad vocals, it's just a very lifeless song. The rest of the album is pretty weak in terms of laughter, until we reach the best song on the album, sung beautifully(in other words, hilariously terrible) by Rikishi, with "Put A Little Ass On It". Rikishi, invoking the essence of a Barry White or Teddy Pendergrass, attempts to provide us with a surefire panty dropping track....... that was essentially inspired by his finishing move, the Stinkface. Stacy Keibler closes out the album with a dance track that's equal parts hilarious and boring(it is possible), and of course, non-rapping ass John Cena's Basic Thuganomics theme was featured here as well.

In conclusion, was this project REALLY that bad?? Yes. It was beyond bad. It was beyond terrible. It is one of the most pointless ideas that WWE has had, which considering, says a lot. Please never let this idea resurface again. R-Truth, stop fucking rapping. That is all.



  1. Thank you for introducing me to that Kurt Angle joint. I'm crying! Comedy at its finest!!!