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Wednesday, June 10, 2015

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WIRTB: Tammy "Sunny" Sytch

Warning: This post may get NSFW. But, then again, it's a WIRTB Review we're talking about. They're almost always NSFW. So, if you've got bosses who look over your shoulder or have children around, viewer discretion is advised. Otherwise, enjoy the clusterfuck that's about to go down.

Greetings, I'm Speed on the Beat and this is another WIRTB Review, the EOTR column where I take a look at something wrestling-related and attempt to answer the question "was it really that bad (or good, in some cases)." Today, on the heels of my look at the career of John Cena, I figured that I have another person who I wish to evaluate. She's been credited as being the Original Diva. She also, apparently, has Kendra Lust wanting to maybe double-end dildo her, Requiem for a Dream-style (that was, seriously, one of the most fucked up scenes I've seen...and I saw it at like 13). So, without further ado, let's check out some Sunny Days. As a forewarning, we're going to try and look at her wrestling impact and see if she's really deserving of the title of "The Original Diva."

::looks at Sunny's true impact on the business::

Disclaimer: May not be to scale

Ok, looks like we're going to have to talk the sex stuff. Why? Here's the thing. I feel that Sunny's in-ring contributions are overrated. Here's a woman who pretty much got to being held in such a high regard because she was a hot blonde chick with a pseudo-black chick build. Miss Elizabeth, arguably one of the greatest valets, is still not in the HoF, but Sunny is. Sunny's contributions to wrestling are mostly based on how hot she is. So, when you're hot, and you flaunt said hotness...what am I supposed to do?

Now, we've all heard the rumors of how Sunny fucked him, or tried to blow him, or tried to blow him while on blow. That's bad, but it's still not that bad. The 1980s and 1990s were different in terms of backstage behavior. Shit happened when steroids and coke were mixed. Besides, women and men should embrace their ho phase and do freaky shit...as long as they're not killing someone or themselves. But, that phase doesn't shouldn't last forever. By the time 2001 or so rolled around, however, Sunny engaged in something that has gone down in the an(n)als of wrestling history. So, let's talk Sunny's ill-fated Wrestling Vixxxens shoot.

Oh, dear God, that idea was horrible. If you haven't seen it, it's as depressing as it sounds. Missy Hyatt, in some (probably) drugged-fueled stupor, decided to dig up some female wrestling names, stick them together, (probably) supply them with Scarface-sized coke mountains, and have them Showtime-porno fuck each other and/or themselves with...things and stuff. And no, Chyna wasn't involved. I'm pretty sure that even Chyna wouldn't have stooped this low and she fucked X-Pac and got analized in an Avengers spoof. In these shoots, we have Sunny covered in oil, which is, y'know, the standard in porn. Cover a chick from head to asshole in baby oil and have her pose suggestively. This "oil," however, looked like Sunny and Missy spent their money on coke so they had to use Crisco.

Are we fucking or are we flambeing? Either way, it's not a good look.

And then come the eggs. Yep, you heard me right. Eggs. Because, y'know, sunny. Eggs. Sunny side up. Porn puns. Shoot me. NOW. Sunny gets covered head to asshole in egg yokes and frolics around in them, writhing like she's enjoying the feel/smell of uncooked egg on her body. These hoo-ers are making breakfast and I guess Sunny's vag is supposed to be the main course, as it may've been for many, many, many wrestlers. Again, I'm all for letting your freak flag fly. But, for fuck's sake...eggs?! Why not shove a hot dog up there too to match the fungus and make a goddamned Late Night from Stuggy's (hello, Baltimore).

Fuck it. Sunny, just off this alone, is that bad. You don't even need to get into the fact she got arrested six times in a month, or her wishing cancer on people (kind of). We don't even need to discuss the Skyping.

Although...it's kind of funny to do so. Still looks better than some
other cam girls I've seen, sadly enough.

And don't, for the love of Christ, don't watch the video of her and Missy Hyatt together. It's as fucktardedly insane as you'd think it'd be.

And now, I'll count the minutes until Sunny blocks me and the EOTR account.


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