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Tuesday, February 9, 2016

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Profound Assholes, Wrestling Edition: Giving Up on Wrestling

Now, if you're familiar with EOTR member Speed on the Beat's site, you're familiar with a little thing Speed and his SOTB cohort Drizzle Sez like to call Profound Assholes (a/k/a "PA"). Today, we're introducing a bit of PA to EOTR as True and Speed talk about some of the latest news surrounding the wrestling world.

True: This shit is garbage. Period.

Speed: Bryan's retirement. Shit is fucking insane.

True: I'm about to give up on this shit.

Speed: Bruh, can I be completely honest? I'm thinking about cancelling my Network subscription. Sure, that'd potentially mean less WIRTB. But, I'm pretty just...I don't even think "livid" is the right word. I'm...some weird combination of sad and angry. I'm "sangry."

True: I don't blame you. No lie.

Speed: The Bryan shit, for me, it's like the icing on the cake, to be honest. The way that they handled it, while graceful and while I prefer him to leave on his own terms before his brain is cheese-like, still stinks.


True: Yeah, I'm getting there myself.

Speed: I don't know. WWE's been pissing me off. And yes, they got Styles, Nakamura, and Aries. That's great. I love the fact that these legends are getting a WWE run of some sort. Signing them is dope. But...fuck it. The bad, for me, pretty much outweighs the good. And that's not even me getting on some snarky, smarky bullshit. Like, let's really look at WWE for a second. "Oooh, Bayley is over. Crazy over." Watch. They'll end up turning her into some catchphrase-spewing Chick Cena that's making corny jokes versus just being the kid-friendly wrestling machine she is. Look at Sasha Banks! Hell, even Daughter Flair.


Hideo Itami. Remember him? Remember how psyched up people were when "KENTA" turned into Itami? He's great. He's the future. He...has, like, six matches then gets the Daniel Bryan treatment. I mean, at least Bryan got to make some more appearances on the shows, even in a non-wrestling role.

Ooooh, the main roster. It's bloated. There's so much filler and it spills out into the actual show. Now, I love The New Day. But did we really need a segment with them and Rock that lasted for damn near the entire final hour or so? No. We didn't. On top of that, there are jobbers out of the ass on the roster. Jobbers who could probably make something of themselves if they were given the chance--hi Social Outcasts.


Hell, look at Heath Slater period. He's like a poor man's poor man's poor man's Daniel Bryan in his popularity. But, he gets trotted out to get a Knockout Punch from Big Show and all's back to normal.

"But what about the part-timers?" Ugh. Undertaker and Rock are legends. But, why keep bringing up the past to keep you relevant when you can use the past to elevate the present and future. And don't say "Bray Wyatt." He had a great moment that was squandered by Creative.

True: I think Takeover: Dallas is it for me, essentially. It's the last event I really give a damn about.

Speed: So, you've given up on the product, overall?

True: Yeah. It feels like more of a business for me.

Speed: True. You know what happened with me the last time I felt like that? We got Unhinged--shameless plug--and me retiring from music. Wrestling, in general, is on some weird-ass decline that can't even begin to be simply described. Is there anything that can get you back into wrestling, WWE or otherwise?

True: Full-time? Nah. Never. WWE? Never. But, I would give a bit more of a damn about it if Reigns was depushed to the mid-card. If Ambrose, Seth, Cesaro, Nakamura, etc., got their fair share of a main event-esque spotlight? That's it. I just have stopped caring, though, for the most part (laughs). It's crazy.

Speed: I feel you, though. Shit is wild. WWE is losing and TNA still never found it. No, no, no. I'm serious.

True: Go on.

Speed: I dare the EOTR family to watch TNA. Legitimately watch it, from entrance music to closing credits. The wrestling is alright, at times. But everything else? It's fucking putrid. And I say that as someone who was a fan of the promotion before it became WWE-lite.

ROH is, aside from the other indie promotions and NJPW, some of the closest stuff we're getting to a wrestling show en masse that isn't full of filler or Dwayne Johnson talking about "llama penises" for five minutes. But, as much as I love ROH, LU, and so on? I've got to be honest. The production is still meh. It still leaves a lot to be desired. If you give ROH some more cash to up the production values, more folks may get invested. Maybe. They may say "oh, this looks like NXT or IMPACT" and watch it whenever it's on. For ROH, getting back on a channel that isn't Sinclair-owned is another step entirely.

Now, notice I didn't say "oooh, this looks like RAW." No one really wants to look like RAW with all their NeNe Leakes cameos, Hornswoggle with Ariel Winter craziness, and Three Stooges bullshit.


And if you do, you've got to go get your fucking head examined.

True: See that's the thing for me about WWE these days, man. I've been a fan for 23 years at this point. I had to detach myself from this shit. I've become cynical. I made a living off of being a heel in radio and social media and calling people "sheep."

But damn Speed, I was right. I don't believe for one minute this retirement was legit. It felt forced. Like, this man was just healthy. Just healthy. Now he isn't? I mean, the guys in the business that I loved were Punk and Bryan.

Speed: At least Punk's finally gonna make his UFC debut.

True: Yeah. But now they're both done in WWE. Seth is gone. Reigns vs Triple H is going to be the main event at Mania. This shit doesn't even feel real.

Speed: I feel that this should make an appearance. Although, like you said, this shit seems forced and, ya know, not real to me, dammit.


True: (laughs) And that's why I'm done man. I'll still write for EOTR and be on the show to help, but I give up. I love the indies, but my heart isn't in wrestling anymore. I see why people walk away from this business. It drained me as someone who got into the business and worked with an actual wrestling promotion and it drained me as a fan. I don't have fun watching it on TV anymore. It's more exciting watching football, basketball and to be honest, basketball was my first love. Wrestling came right after that.

Like, take Lucha for instance. I like the work. It's over the top. It's fun. But it doesn't really engage me like season one did.


I lost my smile in the business I guess. True God Immortal has lost his smile for wrestling (laughs). That's essentially what this is. You know the old fans who had that point where they stopped watching and they always tell you what it was.

Speed: I gave up in the mid-2000s, only to come back when Punk, Bryan, and Rock were getting crazy over in 2011, 2012.

True: Folks will say "I stopped watching when The Rock left and Austin left, I couldn't do it" or "man, when they kept forcing Cena down our throats, I just walked away from my TV and that was the end for me."

I understand that now. I get it. I do. I mean, for the current product, maybe I'll come back to it when Seth Rollins returns. I mean, I'll always keep up with it for the purposes of what we do. But to be completely fair? I have to see where it all goes. The ride is no longer fun. Remember you could just sit back and enjoy the whole storyline and be amazed at how it played out. Remember? Now look. The Dudleys turned heel. Welp. If this was 2000, I would care, but, yeah.

Speed: We're damn near at 2020.

True: The Usos suck. These losers come out jigging and dabbing and shit and I mean damn man! What coonery.

Speed: Rikishi would be...honestly, I don't know if he'd be all that proud of how they're going about shit.

True: Then you've got Reigns out there stinking the joint out every night.


It is absolutely bullshit. ROMAN REIGNS IS PURE TRASH. He hasn't improved much. He sucks at promos. His matches are lackluster. He isn't a fucking star. I saw that from day one. You know who is a star?

Speed: The Be A Star folks? John Cena?

True: Dean Ambrose. You know who could be popular enough to main event a WrestleMania? Dean Ambrose. You know who is great? Kevin Owens. You know who deserves a push when he returns from injury?

Speed: John Cena?

True: (laughs) Cesaro. You know who needs more TV time? AJ Styles.

Speed: We get him on The Highlight Reel and kicking Miz's teeth out.


Fucking hell, that's a face I can't unsee.

True: Indeed. But, instead of Styles and company, we got Reigns out here being garbage and a retirement from a man who was just cleared by several world-class doctors. Imagine that. The WWE took world-class doctors and said "hey guys. Your work was irrelevant," just to retire Daniel Bryan.

Speed: I agree. I, like I said, don't want him to end up another CTE casualty and stuff. But, something still seems...off about the Bryan situatiuon.

True: On top of that? We got Sheamus out here with The League of Nations. No one wants to see these assholes. But here we are.

Speed: Rusev is a lost cause and Barrett should've left years ago.


True: It is depressing. It is saddening. WWE is absolutely putrid. TNA has good matches but I'm not invested or give an inkling of a fuck about any of these damn wrestlers on the show.

Speed: Cue Matt Hardy calling us smarky jerkoffs.

True: Dixie Carter? Vince McMahon? All them are idiots.

Speed: Careful, now. We're about to get the folks who think we're stupid for voicing an opinion (laughs).

True: And? I'll watch NXT Takeover Dallas and that will likely be it for me after that. I mean, I won't ever get to see Nakamura and Bryan fight. Bryan vs Styles in WWE. Balor vs Bryan in WWE. I'm depressed. There's no saving WrestleMania 32. ROH is losing their guys to WWE and I just don't know what to do there.

I love ROH. But outside of the lack of push for my boys ACH and Cedric, I'm not passionate about anything there. It is frustrating. Very. This is a crossroads for me as a wrestling fan. I am not sure if I can truly manage anymore with this. I'm giving up on wrestling. Fuck it. This shit don't love you back (laughs).

Speed: True shit. Well, to close out, I'd like to thank Daniel Bryan for sacrificing his time and body to make a legend of himself.

Last night, he said "wrestlers do this because they love to do this." It's oddly ironic that, in some ways, the business doesn't love those who gave their souls for this shit--or the people who are putting those dollars in the pockets of the Vinces and such--at times. If you're still a fan, that's cool. But, like True, I think I'm stepping back from it all. I'll still support the biz, but it's lost me, full-time. I'm leaving with this statement.

I'd rather watch Cardi B and Stevie J and Joseline than watch wrestling these days.


True: You're on your own on that, but I get what you're getting at.

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