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Friday, April 1, 2016

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WIRTB: WrestleMania 13


I've been asked by True to drop a quickie WIRTB for EOTR WM Week. So, what better WrestleMania to shit on in passing than WrestleMania 13? Why? It's incredible uneven, and not in a good way.

For every great part that was the thirteenth WrestleMania, you had shit. And not just any shit. You had garbage wrestling between LOD 1999 (it was before Sunny became their valet) and Ahmed Johnson versus the Nation of Domination shit. You had Rocky Maivia versus Riki--I mean, The Sultan battling each other for the Intercontinental Championship. You had an overbooked match between The Undertaker and Sycho Sid that was the main event over the amazeballs Bret/Austin match shit.

So, we're in for a doozy, guys. I'm keeping this one short, unfortunately, because I get sad thinking about this. Plain and simple, this WM is uneven as hell. It's not like WM 11, where you expected shit. You expected Lawrence Taylor and Bam Bam to be godawful and full of a slew of NFL-level fuckery (hi, Mongo) because LT's an NFL legend. You expected it to be more about Hollywood because HOLLYWOOD SELLS...except when your name is Snooki. WM 11 is, pretty much, so bad it's good WIRTB territory. Watching LT battle Bam Bam is high-grade coonery.

...watching The Sultan and Rocky go at it is just sad. Watching Ahmed Johnson be Ahmed Johnson is sad. Now, don't get me wrong. I actually like Ahmed Johnson...at times. WM 13 isn't one of those times.

And the tag team match was just so...ugh! Seriously, guys. If you want a WM that's so bad it's...bad, check this crap out. I'm willing to bet money that watching Roman Reigns rise against hate versus the entire WWE Universe will be exponentially better than this stinker. Go watch the Bret/Austin match, because that's greatness. Use brain bleach to forget that the rest of it happened. Fuck this shit.

And now? I've gotta prep for The Roman Empire to be a thing. So, expect another WIRTB in the future regarding WrestleMania 32.

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